How about another Love Island induced rant. A little something that hit so close to home a couple of weeks ago on Love Island USA. I will say before I start this simultaneous run of UK and USA Love Islands for the summer has proven to be so stressful. One will be good while the other is a bust then it'll flip flop. Idk idk man. I'm still rooting for everyone black.
I also think we're all just bored trudging through this global pandemic. Anything honestly will hold us. Both of the seasons I'll grade kinda underwhelming but my attention is there.
On USA, what currently has me at the edge of my seat is this love triangle or "thruple" consisting of Cash, Cinco, and Trina. An all black main character plot which I was not expecting on the network at all but we're here. The potential f'boy toxicity I'm completely in.
According to Cinco, he enjoys how he vibes more with Cash who he was coupled up with first but then was drawn (I want to say by lust) to Trina. She snatched the man and for about a week, maybe more I forget, they've been riding.
That is, until Cash circled on back to Cinco and unleashed her feelings that she can't shake for her life. His head has [re]turned and after letting Trina know the girl basically shrunk into some past insecurities.
That's where we left off and of course Casa Amor came at such an opportune time. But I wanted to speak to a scene where Triana basically called/cried out to the ME-AMARACHEEE of my early twenties.
Right after Cinco informed Trina where his head was going, being stuck between the two again... her spirit was down. She was left crying in the club (diary room really) and admitted she was "triggered by his confession" because "there's always been somebody else" involved in her dating history I said sissssssssssssssss.
Not only did my very last situation involve me and somebody else... if this was not my whole early twenties lowkey.
Like if I'm not enough just say that
I promise I'mma interpret everything that way and even worse. I end up feeling as big as a fruit fly when I'm in such a situation. And it's often smh...
We're supposed to "eXpL0rE" in these early stages of life or whatever people keep telling me. Dating around is common but if you're not careful you end up in a constant competition state of mind. Almost as if you're ON at all times. Having to impress and stand out ALL THE TIME that's so exhausting. If you're one of those people who claim to be above it and unbothered, ok nonhuman.
Are you thinking of her or me right now? How can I be more appealing and "win" vs just being myself overall because obviously that's not working.
You lose sight of that foundation. I mean if he doesn't like you the way you are he's just not worth it, right? That's the mature insight but nah. Loneliness is dead. Let's mold it in order to force this one to like you and last.
It goes without saying those shows are a mental health Olympic sport. Trina went through it, is still going through it, but she'll be stronger on the other side of this.
Other women have been a pattern in my life, along with long distance relationships outsourcing from coincidentally one particular area correlation?.., maybe.
All of this is to say yes I'm made the way I am for the person who is MADE FOR ME. I absolutely believe in all that, unapologetically. This is not a pity post. I'm in no rush because the one will find me. I have the rest of my Earth life. I'm cool by myself. I think.
Throwing myself out there frequently to get stung back is a price to pay. I said I was gonna do this though so I'm gonna do it. Full throttle. And I'm gonna be intentional about it.
This is nothing but a back in the game side bar...
Now I'm in a rambling mess. Oh well.
TDLR EDIT
Dating sucks
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