DEAR NATURALS..., ARE WE AT WAR?

I found myself enjoying a clip from The Real, daytime talk show, as a huge fan does (side note - congrats on renewing for two follow up seasons ladies) They were discussing weaves and wigs a nice little segment and for some odd reason I had this urge to view the comments after. Mistake there. I mean if it's not one thing it's another these days. Youtube comments have unfortunately twisted into this mix of 2 out of 3 parts trash and I'm over them.

Anyway I got to this particular comment that rubbed me and some others the wrong way. It read

"Or you could just wear your own hair.
Just a crazy thought"

Uhhh sweetie (and I know we're not friends like that for me to call you sweetie nor do I know you at all but... ) must you?!!!

I don't think she realized, bless her heart, that even if it were in a joking manner saying that on a platform where tone doesn't translate is an issue. I have really close and well-meaning natural haired friends who joke around with me and want me to go full natural (psst I'm transitioning) but through keyboard text alone, those could honestly be controversial troll-like words. 

Several replies and a debate later; concepts like having confidence, pride, being lazy, conformity, etc... etc... were touched on by many and my initial thought to the initial commenter expanded to this universal thing; MUST YOU ALL??!!?

I don't necessarily take offense to the comment and some of the others that followed as much as I just find annoyance.

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When African American women first started embracing the natural state of their hair in large quantities yearsss ago, it seemed like those going against the grain could never get a word in edgewise and I understood it then. This was something new and something ground breaking. Creamy crack was the devil that was all I ever heard and I was fine with it.

Dare I call what it was back then a "fad" but we all know that time period when YouTube was heavy with new big chop videos like every week, right? Women were sharing testimonies and inspiring hundreds of thousands around the world.

Sure I was still reluctant or whatever (hence I've only been transitioning for a year) but every story and shared journey was fully appreciated.

It wasn't until self appointed officers took it upon themselves, on behalf of the natural hair community at that, to bring hate and troll on relaxed hair journey channels, wig review channels, and even transitioning journey channels the problem revealed itself.

F' relaxers! F' the system! Own your hair don't hide it! Fight the power! You wanna be white still?! ...

Jeeeeeez. The outflow of single-minded natural hair fanatics. And there are actually a lot of you out there

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Tell me

What if this person has taken the time to think about it and has CONSCIOUSLY - meaning with a clear mind - chosen to keep relaxing their hair? 

What if this person has taken the time to think about it and has CONSCIOUSLY - meaning with a clear mind - chosen to transition and not go with the big chop?

What if this person has taken the time to think about it, and has CONSCIOUSLY - meaning with a clear mind - chosen they love weaves, wigs, and braids...?

Must they be attacked for these choices? Must their natural journey be by force? What they're doing is being done to their hair, their body, it's their business while harming no other human being in the process so again... must you???!?!?

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One very helpful replier quoted Miss Tracee Ellis Ross and although I can't find a direct link to this quote, I can totally trust for now that it happened. She said that Tracee said (wow how credible) that she's not team natural hair but "team whatever hair makes you feel beautiful".

Rewind that and play it back; one of the top natural haired Queens advocating for what again?

Whatever hair makes you feel beautiful?

Ok. Let's add confident to that and you guys...! I think I've found the most reasonable person in the United States considering our fixation with the hair on any and every individual's head...

Natural hair is a time and $$$ investment that should be carefully considered before taken on don't you agree?

Yes you may be reading this right now prospering with your natural TWA or puff(s), twist out or bantu knot outs and loving every moment to the moon and back. However your hard work, time, and commitment might not match the current schedules of those friends you often criticize. Why pressure them? Why make them feel bad for not being like you? They must have thought about it at least once before... I mean their mates are doing so why can't they? Everybody has their own reasons.

Sounds to me like a new mom on her own Cloud 9 constantly teasing her unprepared single friend to settle down, start a family and "join the club already".

There's nothing wrong with wanting company but there's definitely a fine line between pushing it and PUSHING IT.

Friendly nudges are cool... but friend familiarize yourself with that line and try not to cross it.

An old blogspiration author of mine has two great posts on the matter

1)   http://www.laurenmechelle.com/2013/06/why-ill-continue-to-relax-my-hair-forever/ 
2)   http://www.laurenmechelle.com/2014/12/natural-doesnt-mean-easy-rant/ (although she talks about covering hair with protective styles which I'm not against)

There are plenty of other black hair/beauty bloggers, with Lauren included, who have stated and reiterated what I only assumed to be obvious & common knowledge by now in 2015...

Everyone is different. What works for you may not work for others. People have their own journeys and it is not your place to try and force any thing on any one.

If someone wants to go completely natural they will on their terms. You can try and ridicule them into a new lifestyle choice but honestly, must you?




Thanks for listening!