[Opening statement: the drink of the night for this post was Stella Black and as I'm rereading I feel like I jumped a lot without finishing thoughts lol. My final message should still come across though. Enjoy]
We're strong, we're bold, we're beautiful. Intelligent, influential, and honestly breaking barriers/setting new standards each and every day.
So of course hearing that as black women (alongside our Asian counterparts) we are still the least desirable when rated on dating apps I think to myself. What more do you people want? *insert Tyrese meme*
We literally glow, our skin is so rich, our hair so versatile, WE HAVE BLACK GIRL MAGIC for crying out loud! Must we breathe fire and have the ability to turn back time as well before genuine interest occurs? And before I move on "we" is used very lightly because the topic of colorism is real as can be and my range could only go so far...
To add insult to injury. We take all this heat from the outside world, how come it's on the inside as well? The idea of a "black home". Black women whom for not all but for most our first loves collectively were our BLACK fathers. We grew up being made fun of for our skin, our hair texture, objectified for our bodies so much earlier in age --the burden is deep and terrifies me of having children-- we look to our bR0tHErs for back up only to find they've sided with the Tiffanys and Middle School Mollys we essentially are alone. It's so discouraging.
Preference is preference but after a while a spade should also be called what it is. A SPADE.
Why One Sociologist Says It’s Time for Black Women to Date White Men (link)
Black women time and time again can finish first to the public but still struggle hard in this private race.
Our devotion to the black man is such a double edged sword with these days one edge appearing sharper than the other and it is not the favorable part.
Would I say black women need to open their minds up more to other races, why not? It shouldn't however have to come as a retaliation to the black man but through true love and to also be met with such scrutiny as if one type of interracial is a crime while the other is not, that's ridiculous. A black man goes to literally anyone under the sun and he is hailed. The black woman who falls for the white man is often insulted. It's so disappointing.
The dating show Love Island served as the perfect mode of inspiration for this post. Along with a podcast by someone I actually interact with socially where the comment "Latina women are more supportive than black women" was made... by a black man -_- Face. Meet palm.
Shows like Love Island and The Bachelor/Bachelorette know their audience.
We as black individuals light up when authentically black people get casted with someone who's maybe mixed raced with curly hair and hazel eyes but the number isn't even up to your 5 fingers... make it just the 2.
There's a quota. You can tell. They've been included yaay!!! Only to get bounced out of the club as quick as our people do in horror films.
Love Island UK & (newly) USA can be researched now in the what's trending portion of social media with viewers going back and forth about black women who ironically are "slow to open up" to the black men they are with and attracted to getting tossed for consistently quoted "stronger & instant" connections.
Please forgive me because this is about to sound horrible I take full responsibility for saying it... but these white women who seem pretty average at best on screen are almost always oozing with instant connection vibes it's unbearable for the black men who are initially coupled with black women ABOVE AVERAGE BY UPBRINGING but weren't ever attracted to black women in the first place to resist. Their heads turn before the new girl even opens her mouth to be frank.
Danny gave up a scientist. A biologist. Someone who studied for a bio-technology degree and works as an oncology vaccine specialist to be with an ASOS model and sure he's 21 ok whatever but I still won't forgive that.
To also be fair a lot of it is casting. When the odds aren't in your favor they oftentimes just play out in "it is what it is" fashion. Constantly being in competition (in terms of the dating show, real life is not a competition hope you're listening) with women who are anything but black and are deemed easier to get on with, sucks. A reflection of reality truth be told.
The number of black men who aren't genuinely attracted to black women is upsetting and worrying. It's worrying because I don't see us looking elsewhere. Being from Nigeria specifically my own problem is another story. Another whole blog post. You guys have time?
Overall does our worth come from how other people see us? Not really.
But feeling wanted but who you want could level you up leaps and bounds. That confidence is astounding. Having a black man stay down for you and not get caught up on a Becky... with good hair. That sis, is a unicorn
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